Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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