How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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