We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
