okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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