I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize