Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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