I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
