I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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