so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
