Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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