peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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