Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
