her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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