we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
