Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
