she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I could fuck to npr.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
