she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
