I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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