This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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