She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
