My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
should my penis look like a turkey
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
