I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
