remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize