ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
