i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Enjoy the penises
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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