I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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