I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize