it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
