You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize