Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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