I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
