Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
