I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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