I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize