i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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