i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
