Your dad touched me again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
