I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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