I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
