these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
