Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
