You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
