Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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