Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am one with the molecules
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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