I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize