Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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