I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My feet surprised me
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