Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
