How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
