I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
