just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
