You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
