If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
