My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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