Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
