This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
