Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
