I must be too annoying 4 u.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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