Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
