mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
