I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize