somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
