Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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