no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
