hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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