Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
