bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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