I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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